Desert Sunrise

People are really funny in the way that they live their life and make their choices. Just recently, Ive been diagnosed with bipolar depression and found out that this was why Ive been in pain (physically) for so long. Where does depression hurt?? everywhereWho does depression hurt?? everyonehaha.....that commercial really makes me laugh, even though I know its true.Ive been going to counseling lately for my mental heatlh...or to at least get it back...but I missed my last one and I havent been back.I feel- and always have- as though I am going to meet some tragic end. Like, there really is two sides of me...and this is not the bipolarism Im talking about either, yall!!! funny!!...its more like....okay, i am totally rambling right now, but just stick with me....I believe in signs, and Libras have two sides of them. One side is what they choose to put on display to the world as a strong, independent, carefree, confident person. And the other side..the one behind closed doors, is the innocent, naive little girl that is very self-concious about herself-physically and in every other aspect of life. And I feel as though if I keep this up....Im going to go crazy...if I havent already. Im soo tired of playing games and Im soo tired of acting like everything is okay and always being optimistic...for once, I just want certainty...certainty that I will succeed as a famous actress....certainty that whoever Im with, Im actually WITH. I dont want to worry about not getting my hopes up too high, because they are always ultimately dashed. So...the whole depression thing....one minute Im fine and the next Im crying hysterically into my pillows. I dont want to feel this way anymore. And Im also very mad at myself, because I really do believe that because of this...I made the wrong decision and am now missing someone that wont even speak to me....and it cuts me to the core. And Ive always liked being alone, having some quality time with myself, etc....but lately...well....I'll let Brett Dennen say it for me

~~And I've been waiting all this life In the company of one And I know I am young But I don't want to be alone If you could only just Consider the two of us And i know darlingI could be so good to you....

you know who you are...